I have really been at peace about all of this "stuff" surrounding us leaving it all behind and moving to the Dominican Republic and saving young men. I have been extremely peaceful...almost too much! Well Friday 9.17.10 I broke.
I was in traffic and was glancing at a magazine article about a woman who had a child with down's syndrome, but she had no knowledge about it until she laid eyes on her and knew in an instant. I was bawling...and thank goodness I was in traffic, because I would not have been able to drive. So it was that article that got me started with the tears. Then I started to think...what.the.heck.are.you.doing???? Then I got mad! God why do I have to love you so much that I would give it all up because you called me to do something I KNOW is your divined will for my life?? I can see how you have orchestrated my life to this point and carefully prepared and equipped me to do this. Why do I have to be Christian, because to be honest it was easier when I didn't love you. How am I going to say goodbye to loved ones and family and be so far away. Why are you choosing ME to do this? Why. Why. Why??? I have had to tell some people lately that I knew would be difficult to tell...because they are the ones I am closest to. But I had to tell Beth this week...and we are just pretending we didn't have that conversation this week. And right now I have 2 messages into my mom...and I am TORN up!! I know it is what I need to do, but it is hard to tell those you love that you love someone more and you are following them to far away lands...for a long time, maybe forever. I can tell you this that I love the Dominican Republic. I love their simple life. I love being close to the ocean again. I love no distractions. I love your people, they are so kind! But they drive like maniacs!!
There are so many things that point to this being God's ordained plan for our life. The songs that I hear on the radio over an over just seem to be the words I need to hear. Most of those I tell are so excited (even jealous) for what we are about to do. I know it is a long way off, but June 2011 could be here before we know it and we have a lot to do before we get there. Do we rent our house or sell? How do we find homes for our older cats and our crazy dog who eats anything with stuffing? Who is going to cut and color my hair? What about getting my 6 month teeth cleanings? Lord, I don't feel called to home school my kids so how are they going to learn? I know You will give me the heart and the ability if it is needed. I have a lot of STUFF Lord for someday (ie. fabric, projects, etc) that I haven't gotten to yet, so I better get on it, or find someone who does what I do (buy a fabric with no idea what I am going to do with it just because I love it) and bless them with it. I know I will miss some things, but I know that the ones I love are a skype away or a facebook status update away from me and it is not forever.
Lord, I love you and I am willing to go where you call me, just be gentle with us because we have 2 great kids that we have to drag with us on this adventure. I know they will be fine, because they loved the DR too when we were there.
This is a song that I keep hearing and it rings true to what I am feeling right now.
rev·e·la·tion
/ˌrɛvəˈleɪʃən/ Show Spelled[rev-uh-ley-shuhn] Show IPA
–noun
1. the act of revealing or disclosing; disclosure.
2. something revealed or disclosed, esp. a striking disclosure, as of something not before realized.
3. Theology.
a. God's disclosure of Himself and His will to His creatures.
b. an instance of such communication or disclosure.
c. something thus communicated or disclosed.
d. something that contains such disclosure, as the Bible.
4.(initial capital letter) Also called Revelations, The Revelation of St. John the Divine. the last book in the new testament; the Apocalypse. Abbreviation: Rev.
