When I hear this song, I weep. I remember singing it with thousands a few years back in Atlanta, GA during Passion's Good Friday Service. I weep because I am so blessed that He loves me so much, even when I continue to disappoint Him each day. When I choose other things over Him. When I want to check facebook in the morning before opening His love story to me, the Bible. When he waits patiently for me to meet Him for intimate conversation, but I find something more important. When I struggle with being worthy of His love. But I am. WORTHY. I remember back to the day in Cumming, GA when I heard how much he loved me. I couldn't even fathom it. I wept all by myself in that church. That was the day that I prayed to change my life and walk with Him. I don't remember exactly how it went, but I remember realizing that God loved me although I didn't get that message through "religion". I got the rules and I saw God as a disciplinarian. I grew up not really going to church except on Christmas and Easter or when my Grammie would take me and it was boring sitting there as a child. I am glad that I went to that Women's Conference at a different type of church. Although I wasn't a hand raiser, I saw the way those ladies worshiped, eyes closed hands raised in praise and I embraced the difference. Although not my style, it was theirs and it was beautiful. That day was many years ago and I have regrets that it took me many more years before I really got that it is more than religion and attending church on Sunday. It is about a relationship with Jesus. About reading His love story to us, The Bible, praying and for me journaling my thoughts so I can focus and be able to look back on where I was and where I am now.
This morning as I was reading my Bible Reading Plan (read the whole Bible in 6 months) on You Version I read these words in Mark and I began to think about my faith walk.
Mark 4:14-20 The farmer sows the word. Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.
I had no roots. I heard the Word with Joy but I kept reverting back to the world and was quickly snatched back up in it. There were times where I was on fire again, after a Women of Faith Conference or something, but that too fizzled out and my seed burned up as it wasn't in good soil. It took many years and many spiritual mulligans and I am glad God didn't give up on me.
Today I sit here still feeling like a seedling fighting to get enough water and sunlight to not get burned up and slip back into a worldly life. There is something different. I know I need a personal relationship with Jesus, every day. I need His Word from His Book because the world and even religion will lead me astray. I am reading and learning more than I have ever learned and learning to crave His Word and relationship. I see when Satan comes and tries to take it away, but I can recognize it and cling more tightly to Him and His promises.
In His Grip,
Jodi
